I was recently in Hawaii for what was
supposed to be a 5-day vacation to see my best friend. Chelsea was staying at a
yoga-retreat on the Big Island where she was volunteering 30-hours a week in
the kitchen in exchange for room and board. I stay it was supposed to be a
5-day vacation because by the second day that I had been there I knew that I
had to stay longer, 4 months longer.
Rewind to about a year ago; I had just
graduated from college and got my first bill-paying job. I was fortunate enough
to have my best friend working with me as this job wasn't really all that it
was cracked up to be from the get go.
During our lunch break, Chelsea and I would
walk around the corner to go get ice cream. We'd fascinate about doing
something spontaneous like coming back from lunch, announcing we were quitting
and hopping the next flight to some swanky, private, get-a-way. I knew this
wasn't really at all possible because it had been engraved in my brain that
life works in a series of ways: go to college, graduate, find a job (in your
field if you're lucky), save money (you don't actually know what you're saving
for, but you better be saving), find a partner, marry, have kids, raise them to
do the same-ish type thing.
Fleeing from our jobs wasn't really
realistic. However, during one particular day we toyed with the idea of taking
a long weekend to go to a yoga resort. Something that would both recharge and
invigorate us to come back to work with a new sense of gratitude.
We started researching yoga retreats but
found that there was one that definitely stuck out to us stronger than the
others. An opportunity to volunteer in Hawaii at one of the top-rated yoga
resorts in the world. Stay for a month to three months in paradise while you
work in a department with other volunteers. The website was magnetic-- it
pulled at all our heartstrings. Asking if we wanted more from life and needed
to recharge. We knew we had to apply.
A week later we were both requested to move
on to the second stage of the interview process where we were asked to do a
phone interview. We both realized that this could in fact really be happening.
I shut down; I couldn't go through with it. Give up a stable job to fly across
the country and take what could be the biggest jump since well, ever. Chelsea
scheduled her interview while I just let the invitation for an interview sit in
my inbox.
She was accepted and knew that in a couple
weeks she would be putting in her two weeks at work.
When she left, the next couple weeks were
brutal. Every day I'd go home wondering why I was so scared to move forward.
Being stagnant was the very thing that drove me crazy yet I was willingly
remaining in the same situation while I had the opportunity to change.
I decided one night that I would be putting
my dismissal in writing the next morning. I really had no plan other than I
would take a weekend away to Colorado to visit from high school. The stars were
clearly aligned because that night I also received a text from Chelsea's mom
that she was going to send me to Hawaii to visit for a week, no questions
asked, not taking no for an answer.
After lots of back and forth ad asking if
she was serious-- we decided that the only time it would make sense for me to
fly to Hawaii was right from Colorado. I felt confident in my decision, knowing
that I was about to embark on a crazy couple weeks of traveling, I'd return
home with a new perspective and begin a new job search and find something I
loved.
Colorado was amazing; I was there in late
April when there was still snow on the ground. This meant having to pack for
two different climates-- the tropics and the tundra. My suitcase was thoroughly
confused.
The flight to Hawaii was incredible. We
made our final descent and I felt a wave of emotion come over me. I couldn't
describe what I was feeling but I just felt at peace. I've dealt with anxiety
my entire life and always described as the stereotypical weight on my
shoulders. Well, after I was reunited with Chelsea at the airport-- the weight
was gone. We made the drive back to the retreat in total darkness, other people
were in the complimentary shuttle van but that didn't stop Chelsea and I from
gossiping and catching up on week’s worth of being away from one another.
By the time we got back to the yoga the sun
had set and the only light that was provided was from the stars above us.
Imagine you have two fist-fulls of glitter and you toss them up into the
clouds. We walked to Chelsea's tent where I was introduced to her neighbor,
Majik. He politely
introduced himself. We made small talk until he said something that I’ll never
forget; he excused himself to go off to bed because he had to get up to go to
yoga in the morning. He quickly corrected himself though and rephrased his
answer saying, “I get to go to yoga in the morning.” A simple rephrase is something
that made me automatically switch my thinking from the negative to positive.
The
next day we woke up around sunrise and walked to breakfast where I was
introduced to people from all over the world. Chelsea had already planned out
our whole day, a trip to Kole Kole beach and then Akaka Falls. I don’t think my
mouth shut once that day. I was in awe of everything. People’s calmness, the
stillness that exuded from them. The sense of rush and franticness was no
longer apparent like it was back on the mainland. My dad often still jokes that
I drank the kool aid. My response is always, “Yeah, and then I asked for
seconds.”
Hawaii
had stolen my heart. I fell more deeply in love with a piece of rock than I
ever had with another human being. For the first time in 23 years, my
anxieties, worries and fears melted away like lava and I became at peace with
life. I knew that I needed to stay longer than my scheduled five days. The
island was taking care of me.
Chelsea
encouraged me to speak with the volunteer office. I scheduled an appointment to
continue with my application, the office already had my deposit and paperwork,
and since I was already staying at Kalani, I could interview in person.
When it
came time to go to the interview, I met Sam who was a friend right from the
start. He could sense that I wanted to stay and in return he offered me a spot.
The majority of volunteers slept in the campground in tents that they either
had shipped from the mainland or that they had bought from the closest town
about an hour away. When I was given my tent space, there was already one set
up and waiting for me. It was like I was meant to be there.
I was
placed to volunteer in the kitchen alongside of Chelsea and some of our dearest
friends. We prepped meals for the other volunteers as well as community members
and people who came to vacation at the resort. The shifts in the kitchen were
filled with laughter, spontaneous dance parties (usually to Icona Pop) all
whilst creating some of the freshest, most nourishing foods I've ever eaten.
I
thought I would stay in Hawaii for five days but after the first month past and
Chelsea left to go home, I knew I wanted to stay longer. The total time I was
there was a little less than four months. During this time I made some of the
best friends from South Africa to Ireland, Minnesota, to England. Such amazing
people all sharing their story of being "stuck" and yearning for more
from life.
I was
lucky enough to travel around the island, swimming with dolphins and hiking a
volcano along the way. I flew to Kauai to stay with some mutual friends in
their community. My mom, aunt, and sister met me in Oahu where we got to
explore Diamond Head. We flew to Maui to visit the shores and watch the surfers
catch waves. The Big Island provided me with more nurture than any relationship
I had ever been in. I was able to learn about myself and in return have the
most unplanned and amazing time of my life.
I
realize that this entry or submission may sound a bit spoiled. Please know that
I did pay for my stay, travels, and other expenses out of my own pocket. When
asked about finances I tell people that it was a lot like going to therapy and
the best possible investment that I could of ever made. I learned more about
myself during those four months than I could've ever sitting at a desk.
Staying
in Hawaii was the scariest leap I ever made but I don't regret it for a second.
I gained some much-needed self-confidence after
spending my days in the clothing optional parts of the jungle. Was able to open
my heart to self-acceptance and self-love. I participated in women's circles
where I was able to here the wisdom of so many wonderful women from all walks
of life.
Most importantly, I found my family. it
didn't matter if it was Hawaii, Camden, New Jersey or Romania. Family is what
you make it, just like that famous Penny Lane line, "you are home."
Now that I'm back home in Philadelphia I see people differently, I look at
everyone as a brother or sister. Not casting judgments like I would've in the
past, but growing through everyone I meet. The term ohana, or family is so real that
when it was time for me to leave Hawaii I had over 100 new family members that
I loved like they were brothers and sisters.
